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For the last two years at my previous job, I sensed that I was “out of favor.” And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get “in favor.”

I hated being in that state! And for a time, I was so angry! I blamed others until I saw that God uses favor like rails to guide us. Wasn’t it the presence and absence of favor in Joseph’s life that led him from favored son to unfavored slave to unfavored prisoner to favored prince of Egypt?

The absence of favor was painful. I could relate to Jeremiah who wrote in Lamentations 3: “He has walled me in so I can’t go out; He has made my chains heavy. He has blocked my paths with hewn stone. He has made my paths crooked. He set me as a target for the arrow. I have become a laughingstock to all my people. Their mocking song all day. He has filled me with bitterness. He has made me cower all day long. My soul has been rejected from peace.”

It felt as though I was never going to find favor again. I lamented…oh, I lamented! I cried. I fumed. I prayed. I complained. I journaled. And I tried to learn what I could do to gain favor again.

It was not to be.

And for that I’m thankful…now.

I had to journey through all the feelings, all the pain, all the humbling to allow God to do His work in me. When I finally learned to stop fighting the “state of no favor” and instead lean into it, my situation didn’t go away. But I got better.

I moved from anger to forgiveness. I moved from wanting justice to accepting my leaders and their actions as instruments from God. I moved from raging pride to quiet humility.

I knew that God’s rescue was coming, but what I didn’t know is that He had a lot of refining to do in me before that rescue would come. I had very clearly heard from God that He was leading me out to something new. But that exit would take two years of living “out of favor.” TWO YEARS! What a ride!

One of the biggest lessons I learned in that time is that I had taken for granted in my times of favor that favor comes from God only. In my arrogance, I had taken credit for my success and my influence. I learned instead that favor is a gift from God. And, honestly, the absence of favor is a gift from God–just more painful!

I see now that favor–or being out of favor–are character-building tools that God uses to guide us into His very best for us–and for His kingdom. (All I wanted initially in the no-favor zone was for it to GO AWAY!)

Some may wonder if a good God can allow or even orchestrate times of no favor. Honestly, I don’t know if God allowed or orchestrated the events. But what I do believe is that everything happens under the umbrella of God’s sovereignty.

“Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?” (Lamentations 3:37-38)

There is NO unrighteousness in God. Whatever He does is holy and good. I may think it’s not, but it is. Even the hard times in my life can teach me more of who God is. They can reveal panes of the prism of seeing God for who He is. I don’t need to fear knowing God as He is because He is only good always!

Romans 11:22 says, “Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God.” J.I. Packer writes in Knowing God: “Both appear alongside each other in the economy of grace. Both must be acknowledged together if God is truly to be known.”

I am so grateful to a loving and good God who allowed difficulty in my life not just because of the final outcome. But I am grateful that God allowed these times so I might know Him better and grow closer to Him every single painful day.

Oh, ya, did I mention it was for TWO YEARS?

“For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion

because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people

or causing them sorrow.” (Jeremiah 3:31-33)